There's nothing to fear, but fear itself...and Spiders!!!

Spiders-They say they’re more afraid of you than you are of them, but if that’s true then why do they sneak up on you in the oddest of places?  Not to mention, who needs eight legs?  I mean that’s just unnatural.  The cut off should clearly be four legs and no more. God was obviously having an off day when he created these creepy crawlers—some are small, some are big, others hairy, a few poisonous, some even eat their own husbands!  Does the Black Widow not ring a bell? The spider even has its very own cute nursery rhyme just so toddlers won’t run away screaming in terror from them.   If I had it my way, the rain would have certainly washed out the itsy bitsy spider for good.

Lately, I’ve been having my own personal war with a battalion of centipedes which if you ask me are just cousins of the spider that are equally if not more scary.  As if eight legs were not terrifying enough, this creature has a hundred, a HUNDRED!  People say that isn’t really true, but no one knows for sure.  Know why?  Because no one has ever been brave enough to get close enough to actually count--that’s how awful these bugs are!  The only thing these creatures rival when it comes to fear are clowns.  (Yes, thank you Stephen King for never allowing me to think of circuses without shuddering.) Centipedes are ugly, fast, sneaky, and have currently taken up residence in my shower.  At least once a month, I climb into the shower and encounter one of these freakish anomalies.  Thank goodness my shower head has strong pressure because God knows I’m not going to be squishing them with my bare hands.  I have jumped from a plane, hung from a bungee cord, and leapt from tall cliffs, but some things are just too risky, and touching a centipede is one of them.

The spider has landed me in countless debates about what is scarier.  My sister says sharks are the worst.  My mom argues that snakes win hands down.  My grandma will easily squish a spider but argues nothing is scarier than a rollercoaster or anything fast for that matter.  Here’s my argument.  Don’t like sharks, don’t go in the ocean.  Hate snakes, avoid the Jungle and Florida.  (Florida snakes end up in the oddest of places, at least that’s what the news leads us to believe.)  Scared of rollercoasters, no one is forcing you to go to Six Flags.  Spiders, however, they find you!  I rest my case.