Traditions of Fall

With the arrival of fall, I have been starting to enjoy a few of the fruits of the season.  I have already been apple picking with my nephews and enjoyed some delicious apple cider as well.  This is pretty normal stuff, but if you actually take a time to sit down and really think about it, some of our fall traditions are quite unusual.

Let's start with apple and pumpkin picking.  In the 21st Century we want everything fast.  Food, correspondence, information--we don't usually like to wait for anything too long.  Nevertheless, come fall, we have the grand idea to revert back to our hunter and gathering ways of old.  Unlike in the past, however, survival is the last thing on our minds.  Instead, it's a mad race to find the best  apples and pumpkins--the bigger the better.  There's no need to worry about carrying your own pumpkin or bushel baskets because if you're smart you've brought your very own haul mule.  In my family, that lands on my father. A fifty pound pumpkin, no problem, I brought my dad.  After you've found and collected your pumpkins and apples, then the real fun starts.  Who can climb the highest apple tree?  Who can find the grossest rotten pumpkin?  How many adorably cute, but totally useless gords can you stuff down your shirt to smuggle off the farm?  Without a doubt, it's safe to say our priorities have certainly shifted since our pilgrimage days.

Another delicious tradition is the caramel apple.  Anything healthy about the apple is quickly butchered in celebration of the fall.  Spoonfuls of sinfully delicious caramel turn a once nutritious snack into a sticky, cavity-ridden mess of a good treat.  And let's be honest, if they skimp you on the caramel, there will be hell to pay.  The art of topping is also a very personal matter.  Some like nuts, others like chocolate chips, and of course most children are not satisfied unless they have a million sprinkles per square inch of caramel.  Only the lucky and extremely talented avoid getting caramel on their face, in their hair, and up their arms.  For most, that is not the case.  Even so, no mentally sane pereson is immune to the power of a caramel apple, not even my grandma who must take out and clean her dentures of the sticky caramel afterwards.

Jumping into a pile of leaves is another fall past time not to be missed.  You don not even have ot be a child to enjoy the fun if my twenty-six year old self is any indication.  Just make sure to be surrounded by at least one child in order to avoid stares.  I will admit it may seem a bit strange to go about all the work of raking leaves into a big pile only to demolish it, but it's cheap, amusing fun.  It's the joy of stuffing leaves down your brother or sister's pants. It's the hilariousness of your sister screetching when sh discovers a slimy grub amonst the leaves.  It's fun, plain and simple.

Pumpkin carving is yet another unusual tradition practiced in autumn.  We sit down with children, gather sharp knives of all shapes and sizes, and start hacking silly faces into large, orange vegetables that you will later at night light with a candle.  Seems legit, right?  In all honesty, it is pretty cool.  The gushy guts make for a disgustingly awesome fun time.  They make for an even better weapo to throw at my sister and nail her in the side of the face.  Of course, in my family it doesn't stop with the guts.  There is also the pressure to come up with the best carved jack-o-lantern, and your creative prowess better be fully operational if you plan on winning.

Finally, we arrive at the most unusual tradition of all--trick or treating.  In a world that continually warns children to avoid strangers, it seems weird to me that once a year we dress them up in unusual and elaborate costumes and send them around the city banging on doors in the demand for candy.  I guess it all boils down to the fact that the human child will always be controlled by the need to get their hands on as much sugar and chocolate as possible, and if it's free, even better.  It gets even odder however when you grow older.  Suddenly nurses, witches, and kittens become slutty, and liquor is the new sought after treat.  All of this in celebration of the dead--what a conundrum Halloween is!

So there you have it.  They might be strange, but those are the many traditions of autumn.  Hopefully, you get to enjoy a few of them this season.

Am I alone in thinking...

I have a lot of random, strange thoughts and questions throughout the day. I thought I’d share a few of them with you in the hopes that I’m not alone. If I am, please don’t judge me. Here goes…

Why do guys always seem funnier, friendlier, and sexier in books, movies, and tv? I really need to stop falling in love with fictional men. It’s just not healthy.

When buying toys for my nephews for birthdays and Christmas, I end up spending hours roaming the toy aisles. I suddenly find myself playing with toys that I secretly wish I had as a kid. Is it just me, or are todays’ toys totally cooler than when I was a kid? No fair!

Does anyone else freak out and start thinking about sharks and other sea beasts when swimming in the open water of a lake? God, I hope I’m not the only one!

What is so addicting about celebrity lives? Seriously, why do I even care? By the way, did you hear that Jen finally got engaged? So happy for her.

What the hell is an Oogielove? Enough said.

Is it just me or does anyone else find it odd that MTV doesn’t play hardly any music while that is all Fox, ABC, and NBC seem to play? American Idol, The Voice, The X Factor, The Sing Off, Duets…Please. Just. Stop!

Am I the only one that daydreams about visiting fictional places? I mean, I’d pretty much give my right leg to get a letter from Hogwarts or play with the gadgets in the Bat Cave. Make-believe is such a tease!

When you think of the Oldies, names like Elvis, Johnny Cash, and the Beatles come to mind. What singers and bands are going to be considered a part of the Oldies when I get old and gray? Britney Spears? Jay-Z? Justin Bieber? Let’s be honest; that’s just not right.

After watching the Olympics, did anyone else have the urge to start doing backflips and cartwheels? Or how about trying out the different swimming strokes and synchronized swimming moves in the pool? Yeah, no matter how embarrassing it is, I admit that was totally me.

How come its riding in a car, on a plane, and by train? It really bothers the language arts minor in me. Prepositions really must piss of foreigners trying to learn our language.

After recently having a birthday, I started thinking about how old I am. I mean, I’m older than the Internet, cell phones, video games, Doppler Radar, and disposable cameras. Who agrees with me that when I have kids they are going to call me a freak?