Document Overload

It kind of blows my mind how many documents have accumulated on my computer and jump drive over the years.  I literally have hundreds of old papers, essays, and other writing projects from high school and college, and because I'm a complete nerd I couldn't help browsing through some of them. What can I say?  It's like my academic diary.  I came across everything from my To Kill a Mockingbird essay to my attempts at poetry for English class.  Let's just say I'm no Robert Frost, and I won't be taking The Road Less Traveled when it comes to poetry. Anyway, just for kicks I thought I'd share one here that I found particularly amusing.  It's a satire newspaper piece I had to write for a creative writing class.   I think it portrays my geekiness quite accurately.  Enjoy!

            If you have been listening to the radio lately, you may have been hearing a lot about the new and up-in-coming band The 7Poisoned Apples, but who are the faces behind this new, talented group?  It is none other than the Seven Dwarfs.  When their mining company went under, they immediately realized they needed a change.  They were tired of living in the shadows of Snow White and wanted to make a name of their own.  As a result, they set their sights on the music scene.  Fairy Tale Times caught up with the lead singer, K-Doc—formerly known as Doc—and the band to get the inside scoop.

            During the interview, the group mentioned how their meager beginnings were spent writing and practicing songs at their former mining cave.  K-Doc explained, “It was better than any garage.  The high cave walls gave us great acoustics and recall.  It really let us hear our music and where we could go with it.”  From there the group began playing at the local Enchanted Woods where their following soon began to grow.  It was not long before they finally received a big gig at Cinderella’s castle.  Local damsels-in-distress could not take their eyes off the cool, but shy guitarist, Bashful.  In fact, one maiden gushed how “Bashful is so dreamy!  He’s so cool, but he won’t even admit it!”  Bashful is not the only Dwarf that has the local fans swooning.  The loud-playing drummer, Grumpy is another one to watch out for.  Although he finds the screaming fans amazing, he is in it for more than just the fame.  He told our reporters “Actually, music really calms me.  I used to be a really angry guy, but drumming has become my anger management.  I haven’t felt so free in a long time.”  The band also has its comic relief in the form of band member Dopey.  There is not a single concert where Dopey does not manage to crash his cymbals around Happy’s head or fall off the stage, but the fans love him and are always there to catch him.

            Although this band may be golden, it is not without its troubles.  Rumors have been flying that band member Sleepy was approached by fellow band members and questioned about his dedication to the band.  Witnesses have reported him sneaking off to catch naps during band practice and missing the bus several times while on tour because he could not get himself out of bed.  When questioned about these rumors Sleepy pleaded “No comment.”  A few weeks later, photos of him sleeping on a local park bench surfaced and were splashed across tabloid covers.  Unfortunately, Sleepy is not the only one dealing with issues while on tour.  Band member Sneezy has been struggling with a severe case of Chronic Sneezing Disorder also know as CSD.  He was diagnosed at the early age of seven when his parents realized it was more than just allergies.  When asked about his sickness, Sneezy stated, “It’s something I’ve learned to live with.  It’s tough, but I won’t let it define who I am. I have music and the band.”  Coming in July, the band will be performing at a local CSD Benefit.  Sneezy feels it will be a great way to raise money as well as awareness for the disorder.

            While the band may not be perfect, their music does not seem to be suffering.  Their first record, Don’t Doubt the Little Man, has already gone platinum with hit singles “Don’t Fear the Wicked Queen” and “Hi-Ho, It’s Off to Rock We Go.”  Fans are anxiously awaiting The 7 Poisoned Apples’ second record, Magic Mirrors Tell Lies, that comes out in late May.